I wish I only lived at night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
