Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
