so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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