yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
