I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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