i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
