I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
