your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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