New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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