you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
