I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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