Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
