He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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