Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
