Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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