I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
