she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
