Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize