If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
