YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
