i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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