Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
