So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
