I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
