i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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