IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
