we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
