If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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