Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
