need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
