You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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