Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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