I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
