How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
