I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
