just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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