If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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