I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
