I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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