I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
