p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My vagina is very pro this idea
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