Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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