Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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