Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
