Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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