you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
