White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize