It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
