I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
