Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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