My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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