Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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