booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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