Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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