Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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