i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
