I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My breath smells like gin and sadness
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
