Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
