your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
