last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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