is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
