She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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