I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
