Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
