I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
