dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
