Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
