I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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