a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
