party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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