shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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