I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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