What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
