you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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