my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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