I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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