Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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