clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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