I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
