you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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