the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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