Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
