i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
