are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
