I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
