Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
