thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
