I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
