Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize