I love black thongs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
