Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
