Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
