No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
